Once upon a time, in a world where Love was epic and profound, television, movies, and society joined forces to become the Injustice League of Villainous Bastards, successfully replacing the notion of “love” with an epic one-night stand that may or may not have any future. Love used to be grand, heroic, and everlasting. Now, it’s reduced to 45 seconds of on-screen chemistry, and you know they’ll have sex by the film’s end. What the epic f*** has gone wrong?
When Kissing Meant Something
Remember when a kiss was the pinnacle of romantic achievement? Now, kissing doesn’t mean anything. Hell, those Island Boy weirdo brothers are making money off of kissing and f***ing each other for your entertainment. When they ask, “Are you not entertained?” my answer is, “F*** NO!” No, bro, I’m not an Island boy, even though I’m trying to make it. I’m not going to watch that sh*t, and I would like to hope others are capable of the same restraint. If you can call this “restraint”.
Hollywood vs. Bollywood: A Love Story Battle
Switch it up from Hollywood to Bollywood for a second. Remind yourself of what it means to LOVE. To give it all for a human being. To know this is what you want for the rest of your life, ESPECIALLY THROUGH THICK AND THIN, YOU SPOILED BRAT F***ERS. With their epic love stories, Bollywood films remind us that Love is about sacrifice, devotion, and a desire to be together forever. Hollywood? They’ve reduced Love to a plot device that guarantees a sex scene by the third act.
Grand Gestures: From Tombs to Insta-Bastards
Look at the grand displays of Love throughout history. Mughal Emperors built Taj Mahals and entire tombs to honour their loved ones. Fast forward to today, and the most prominent displays of affection involve Travis Kelce carrying his performer wife to the stage. The GAP in this display of affection is massive, thanks to you Insta-bastards who have reduced Love to simple lust. You’re too stupid to tell the difference because you’re selfish now.
Gender Reveals vs. Real Love
The most significant displays of affection in the 23/24 season are elaborate f***ing gender reveals and “reels” displaying affection. What happened to real-life, everyday Love? Supporting each other daily, ensuring you and your partner are getting the best possible from life every day. Knowing that the person standing across from you is the person you wanted to spend every second of your life with. Y’all cynical, selfish bastards are destroying a beautiful institution you have lost the concept of because you’re too busy acting like dogs and f***ing everything that moves. Have some dignity and self-respect, man.
Historically Important Relationships
Look at the relationships that defined the modern era: Cleopatra and Julius Caesar, Romeo and Juliet, Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera. These relationships inspired generations, shaping history with their passion and dedication. Compare that to today’s “relationships,” where “lasting love” is defined by how many likes your anniversary post gets on Instagram.
The Greatest Power
Love is the most extraordinary power of all if you use it. But to use it, you have to know what it is. To understand what it is, you must dedicate your time, your Love, and YOURSELF to another human being to the fullest, not just slip a sausage in a bun, you f***ing idiots. Get it together. Find REAL Love again.
Listen to the songs that defined Love for generations: Whitney Houston – “I Will Always Love You,” The Beatles – “Something,” and Elton John – “Your Song.” These songs aren’t about a quick hook-up but bottomless, abiding Love. Not s*** like WAP.
To end, I urge you to look at this list, that is essentially voted on by YOU, the PEOPLE!
Look at how there are no new love stories to be found.
How can they find new ones when y’all are racking up more divorces than bowling pins?
Read More: I Am Them!: The Ultimate Joke known as Pronoun Politics
