Ladies and gentlemen, gather for the latest episode of “Rich People Do the Stupidest Things.” Today’s star: Rupert Murdoch, the 93-year-old media mogul who has decided to tie the knot for the fifth time. Yes, you heard that right. The man who controls a vast portion of the world’s media is once again taking a stroll down the aisle, making us question the very fabric of marriage and the absurdity of the super-rich.
The Absurdity of Rich People
Let’s start with the obvious: what in the name of all that is holy compels a 93-year-old billionaire to get married for the fifth time? Does Rupert Murdoch need a companion to help him find his dentures? Or maybe he’s just trying to break a Guinness World Record for the most marriages by a media tycoon? Whatever the reason, it’s a prime example of how the rich live in a world completely detached from reality.
For the rest of us mere mortals, marriage is a serious commitment. It’s about love, partnership, and mutual respect. But for folks like Rupert, it seems more like a recurring social event—like the Met Gala, but with vows. The sanctity of marriage has been reduced to a lavish ceremony, complete with pre-nuptial agreements that probably have more clauses than an iTunes user agreement.
The Farce of Marriage in the US
If there’s one thing Rupert Murdoch’s fifth wedding highlights, it’s how weak the institution of marriage has become in the US. Once a sacred bond, marriage now appears to be little more than a temporary arrangement—at least among the wealthy elite. People like Rupert have turned marriage into a joke, a series of fancy parties rather than a lifelong commitment.
Let’s take a stroll down memory lane and revisit Rupert’s four previous marriages:
- Patricia Booker (1956-1967): Rupert’s first marriage to Patricia ended in divorce after 11 years. It was the start of a trend—commitment issues, anyone?
- Anna Torv (1967-1999): His second marriage lasted a bit longer, 32 years, which in Murdoch’s terms is a lifetime. They parted ways with a record-breaking divorce settlement, proving that even long-term marriages can end in spectacular financial fireworks.
- Wendi Deng (1999-2013): Third time’s a charm? Not for Rupert. This 14-year marriage ended amidst rumours and controversies as juicy as a tabloid headline. Maybe it was the prenup that kept things interesting.
- Jerry Hall (2016-2022): Ah, the supermodel and the media mogul. This marriage, lasting a brief six years, was yet another example of the revolving door that is Murdoch’s love life.
With wedding number five on the horizon, one has to wonder: why does he even bother? At this point, his wedding vows should include a disclaimer: “Valid until the next big media acquisition or personal epiphany.”
Why Even Bother?
So, why do people like Rupert Murdoch keep getting married? Is it the allure of the ceremony? The challenge of breaking their own divorce records? Or maybe it’s just an expensive hobby. Whatever the reason, it’s clear that the sanctity of marriage needs a severe rebranding.
Here’s a modest proposal: let’s limit the number of times you can say your vows. After, say, three marriages, you’re done. No more weddings, elaborate ceremonies, or pretending that this time it’s forever. You’re clearly full of shit, and it’s time to admit it.
Preserving the Sanctity of Marriage
The institution of marriage deserves better. It shouldn’t be reduced to a running joke among billionaires with too much time and money on their hands. Marriage should be about love, trust, and lifelong commitment—not a series of lavish parties that end in the courtroom.
So, here’s to you, Rupert Murdoch, and your upcoming fifth Wedding. May it be as fleeting and absurd as the ones before it. And to everyone else: let’s take marriage seriously. Let’s remember what it’s supposed to stand for and try to preserve its sanctity, even if the rich and famous seem determined to turn it into a farce.
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