In a world where the LGBTQ+ movement has not only redefined genders and sexual identities but also given birth to an entire lexicon of pronouns, we must pause and give a standing ovation. Yes, fair play to them for not just stopping at new identities but having the foresight to create 40,000 different names for their pronouns. It’s as if they’re collecting them like Pokémon cards. Gotta catch ’em all!
Now, let’s dive into the mind of the first brave soul who decided, “You know what, being gay isn’t enough. Being a part of the ever-expanding LGBTQ spectrum isn’t enough. I must transcend. I must be multiple. I must be… THEM!” Who was this linguistic trailblazer? Perhaps they stood up one day, looked in the mirror, and had a moment of divine revelation: “Why be singular when you can be plural?” I imagine this person, staring into the void, whispered to themselves, “I am Legion, for we are many,” thus, the pronoun ‘they’ was reborn. It’s Shakespearean, really.
At what point does society get to scratch its collective head and say, “Hey, this is getting a bit absurd?” Will it be when someone decides their pronouns are now “woof/meow” because they identify as a domestic zoo? And let’s not even broach the topic of some hypothetical future where they start claiming romantic relations with animals. “No, officer, this isn’t bestiality. This is consensual interspecies love. Look, the goat clearly nodded.”
The sheer absurdity of it all is that no one has an issue with gay people anymore. We’re past that. Nobody cares what you do or who you do, but dragging kids into it? Making them learn a new pronoun vocabulary that changes more often than Twitter trends? It’s like trying to teach algebra to toddlers. We have bigger fish to fry than figuring out whether today you’re a “ze,” “zir,” or “zorg.”
No individual should have the right to refer to themselves as multiple people. This should be a simple fact, much like gravity or the need for coffee on a Monday morning. But the modern generation is determined to break every rule in the book to grab the spotlight. And don’t even get me started on the blue hair and the facial piercings. If you’ve got more metal on your face than a Home Depot hardware aisle, it’s time to reconsider your life choices.
*Spoiler alert: Your 45 piercings aren’t self-expression but a cry for help.
This isn’t a religious rant. This is a “stop it” rant before people like me tell you to get lost in increasingly colourful language. Gay people fought hard for equality, and they earned it. Equality was achieved ages ago. The world handed over the keys to the kingdom. But some folks just can’t stop pushing boundaries. It’s like being given a slice of cake and then demanding the entire bakery. We’ve dealt with tyrants before, and let me tell you, dealing with their Rainbow successors won’t be too difficult.
So here’s the deal: If you want to be called “they,” that’s your business. Don’t expect the rest of us to join in your fantasy of being a linguistic contortionist. At some point, sanity must prevail, and we’ll all look back and laugh at the great pronoun debate of the 21st century.
Until then, remember: No one can make you feel inferior without consent. And no one should be forced to call you a “they” unless they’re addressing the committee in your head.
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